Adolence Years

After finishing primary school, I got into a neighbourhood Secondary School called Maju Secondary School. It is not just a neighbourhood school but also one that have many students that came from very complicated family background so to speak.

Being an introvert, I have very little friends in the 1st two years of my secondary school life. As mentioned in my previous blog, we had moved to another rented apartment in Geyland Bahru as the government was demolishing the flats in Old Airport Road as part of their effort to eradicate the gang activties. When we moved to Geyland Bahru, we were seperated from my neighbourhood in Old Airport Road and I was rather lost in having to start making friends again.

I joined the National Cadet Corps (NCC) due to my interest in the military and did quite well. It seems like I begin to find my identity in the NCC and even attained the rank of SSG, which is the 2nd highest rank a secondary school student can attain in the NCC in the school. However, I notice that there was something 'wrong' with me physically as no matter no much I train in my running, I just cannot achieve the running standard set for my rank in the NCC.

When I started Secondary 3, I was 'streamed' into the Arts stream and put into the class that was ranked almost at the bottom of the school. I had classmates that brought pornographical books to school, at least 2 of my classmates were already involved in the local gang. Smoking (though not in the class) and using foul language in the class is common.

It was also in that year that my adopted father was diagnosed with throat cancer. He went through a series of treatment that depleted whatever savings that our family had and we had to asked our relatives in Malaysia to help us financially. After the series of treatment, he was not able to drive taxi every day though the cancer is brought under control. He was doing only 3 to 4 days of work and this caused our family financial situation to spiral further down the slope. It was in that year that I realised that I had to start working during the school holiday in order to have some pocket money when school starts and also contribute somewhat to the family.

That was also when Mrs Chan, my history teacher, who made an impact in my life, which possibly laid the foundation for me to come to know God at a personal level. As mentioned, my class was one of the worst class in the school. Even our form teacher do not put much effort to teach and guide us because it was quite obvious that there was much future for any of us in that class. However, Mrs Chan was different. She never see us that way. She taught us as though we were the best class in the school. She was strict but yet she treated us with respect and thus in turn gain our respect. It was from her that I come to love history so much. I was fascinated by the stories of the different empires and what the various kings, emperor and sultans did for their country, both the good and the bad.

I was not sure how she knew, but she found out that my adopted father had cancer and knew that i needed a holiday job to earn some income. Her husband was the factory manager of Philips that produce the comms set for taxi at that time. When the school holiday was approaching, she asked me to call her husband saying that there will be a job waiting for me if I am willing to work in the factory. I was so happy! That was my first job - assembling comms set in a factory for 8 hours a day.

What Mrs Chan did caused me to feel that someone care enough to reach out to a boy that was searching for an identity. And she gave me the love for history and later on for geography, both subjects which I eventually gotten 'A's in the O level examination.

However, I was still very lonely and searching for something that I can hold on to. I was not sure what I was actually searching for. I started running in the morning partly to try to be able to run faster but more so that running on the road in the morning gave me the sense that I am going somewhere and that there is a objective in my life. On weekend where there was no school, I found myself walking aimlessly in the mall on my own and if I have some pocket money, I will watch a movie on my own.

Talking with my parents and my adopted sister seems to become harder and harder as I grow up. There seems to be nothing in common that we can talked about.

Once when both of my parents were not around, which was very rare, I dug through all the boxes under my parents' bed where they kept old stuff and documents. In one of the boxes, I found something that I had been looking for. It was a copy of my original birth certificate. That certificate showed the hospital in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia where I was born in and my biological mother's name and address was recorded in the certificate. I was so happy and copied my biological mom's name and address on a paper before I put everything back into the boxes.

With what little information I had gotten about my biological family, I wrote a Chinese letter and mailed it to the address in my original birth certificate. After mailing that letter, I waited at the letter box every day at the time where I know the postman will come by for 2 weeks. I waited there because I was anxious to receive a reply from my biological mom and also I do not want my parents to know that I have found out who my mom is (at least in name) and had written to her. Everyday, for two weeks, I waited faithfully at my mailbox but nothing came. On the third week, there was a letter in my mailbox when I came down to check the mails. I was excited and open the letter box. BUt when I took out the letter, I went into total disappointment. It was not a reply from my biological mom. It wa my letter being sent back with a stamp "No such address. Or unit had been demolished" stamp on it.

I lost the only possible contact I had found of my biological family. I wanted to cry but instead I buried my disappoinment, pain and loneliness deep in my heart. I never told my parents that I did try to write to my biological mom.

I buried myself into studying history and geography, which I loved intensely. But, I had no love for Maths and Human Social Biology. I just cannot understand the simple concept of Maths and as for Biology, we had a teacher from India that taught us and because I cannot understand his ascent, I gave up on this subject. Whenever I had these two classes, I will day-dream instead of listening to my teachers. Sometimes, I will try to sneak in a book to read while I was in those classes. It was durng these day-dreaming periods that I came into contact with the bible.

One of my friend, Victor Keh, saw me always day dreaming especially during the Biology class and pass me his old bible. I remembered that he was a Catholic but not a very good one because he smoke and used foul language openly when in the presence of the teachers. But, he passed me his bible because he said that I would love the Old Testament especially because it is really a history book with kings, wars and all the actions. I started reading the bible from Genesis and was fascinated by the stories inside. I will read the Old Testament while my Biology teacher was teaching. That was also the bible that I will bring to church eventually for a few years when I was invited to attend church.

In my last two years of secondary school, I spent my holiday working in the Philips factory, a factory making cupboard boxes, waiter in a small coffee house and hotel. I did my best in my history and geography subjects and a couple of other subjects but knowing that I will fail totally both in Maths and Biology, while at the same time started reading the Old Testament.

When the O level results were released, I had gotten As for History and Geography, passed my English with a C, B for Arts and another A for my NCC activities but failed completely in Maths and Biology. This result is good enough for me to get into Pre-University. I was one of the 4 in my class those results were good enough to go on to Pre-Unveristy and was posted to Victoria School to do my Pre-U.

I want to thank Mrs Chan who treat us not as bad and hopeless student but taught us like one of the brightest in school. She gave me the love for history and prepared the way for me to read the Bibile from the Old Testament instead of the usual Gospel of John for those who do not know God. I want to thank Victor Keh for passing me his bible and encouraged me to read it when he saw me daydreaming during class.

I believe that it is through these two person in my secondary school years to pave the way for me to come to know Him eventually. He started searching me out when I was still not sure what I was searching for. He was already preparing me for the next stage of my life where I will come to know Him in the Pre-University years without me knowing.

In the meantime, I was still fighting the loneliness and sense of lost and disconnectedness that seems to haunt me since I was in primary school....

I was excited about going to Pre-University. But, I have to start making new friends again. And I was not sure if I can fit into Pre-University life. All I knew was that most who attend Pre-U are smart kids and I am not one of them. Most of them are prime and proper while I am use to foul language and rough behaviour. Most of them come from financial stable family while I have to work in the holiday to help support myself. Most of them live in proper home while I was still living in a government rented apartment for the poor.

So, I was very apprehensive as the day come closer to starting Pre-Univeristy.....

Yet, Father had something instored for me that I had never expected.