Our home was small where there is hardly any room where there is a quiet place to prepare for my exam. So, what I did was after school, I will spend a couple of hours in school studying. Than I will head home at three o'clock, study for another couple of hour, had early dinner and sleep till about ten o'clock. I will wake up and study till about three or four in the morning before sleeping for another couple hours and start another day. It has been quite difficult doing that as sometimes I will fall asleep in class due to the lack of sleep.
During those period of studying for the final exam, I want to thank specifically Pastor George Seow and Pastor Alfred Yeo for helping me. Pastor George was the pastor of the first church that I attended. He allowed me and other students who do not have a qiuet place to study to go to church to study and even sleep over night there. We spent many nights sleeping in the church after spending the whole evening studying in church. Pastor Alfred was a chaplin in the Singapore Armed Force. When he heard that I did not have a quiet place to study, he opened up the military chapel for me. I was allowed to stay in the chapel to study and even stay overnight in the chapel.
That was the year that I came acrossed many biographies of early missionaries and began to feel a pull in my spirit for the mission field. My relationship with God begin to develop though I was still not able to address God as my Father.
Towards the end of that year, I remembered two things that happened in during my quiet time. I had the habit of waking up early (like five in the morning) since I was young. And I do most of my quiet time during those early quiet moments in the house. I remembered one morning during those short quiet time, our small little house was entirely engulfed in a bright light for a few minutes! I felt His presence so strong and also His peace. I do not remember if He has spoken anything to me during those few minutes. I just knew from that moment that He will never leave me or forsake me. Not some kind of theory or learning from a pastor but a directly assurance from Him and burnt into my spirit.
The second thing that I did during one of those short daily quiet time was that I told God that there are 3 things that I prayed that He will grant to me. First, I want to get into National Univeristy of Singapore to read law or history or geography. Second, I want to join the military as a fulltime military officer as I just love being part of the military service. Third, I would like also be a missionary or serve full time in the ministry.
Another person that left a deep mark in my life in my last year of Pre-University year was Mary Matthews, our class form teacher. She knew that my family had been facing serious financial problem for a number of years now. And she knew that I have problem paying the 300 over dollars for my GCE A level exam fees. And what she did was totally unexpected and showing that deep love of Father flowing out of her life. She helped me to calculate my exam fees and than proceed to pay the full amount on my behalf. Than she just work out a repayment plan that I can pay her back every month from the small income that my dad gets from driving a cab. As I write this blog, I realised that what she did was one of the early incidences where I experience His unconditional love and how He is using me to do the same now. And what she did so long ago is like the sponsorship program that Father use me to start in the rural area of China for the last 10 yrs. He has been working and preparing me since I was so young.
The day came for the GCE A level exam to be released. I was so thankful to get 3 As, 1 B, a B3 and passing grades for two other subjects. A result that was good enough for me to get into NUS's Arts and Social Faculty though it was not good enough for Law (managed only to pass my English Language). I was so happy. I went home to tell my dad that I have not only passed my Pre-Uni studies but also able to get into NUS. He just gave me a very simply reply, "This is your life. How you live it, it is your decision." I was totally hurt and dumbfounded. I cannot said what was his intention when he said that. But, what I received was that he does not care if I pass or fail or get into the University because it is my life to live and he has nothing to do with it. The gap between my parents continue to widen and I shut them out of my world.
[I want to make it clear here that as I write these blogs
recalling my childhood till who I am right now; it is never my intention to
keep record of the wrongs of anyone that had done to me especially my adopted
parents. As I shared about theirs and my failings, the purpose is to trace the
path that I had taken and also that all of us are fallen and as such there are
failures in our lives that will have effects on others. I do not want to write
a blog that seems to reflect that all of us are always good and achieving great
things for Him. But rather that in all our failings, He is a God who never
change, His Will will be done on earth as in Heaven, He will never forsake us
or leave us. That as we see our failures and taste of His goodness, it will
cause us to come to a point of repentance and love Him back (hopefully) with
that undying and unconditional love.]
Having received my GCE A level results and knowing that it
is good enough for me to get into the University, I moved on to the next phase
of the life of every young abled-bodied man of Singapore i.e. to be enlisted
into the Army for 30months. I was recruited into the Basic Military Training
but because of my flat-footed condition, I know that I will not make it into
the combat vocation. It was quite a disappointment for me, as I wanted very
much to be a combat military officer. During my BMT, I went ahead to apply for
a place in the National University of Singapore though I know that it is quite
impossible for me to continue my studies because of my family’s financial
situation. After a couple of months, I was informed that the University
accepted me and they will keep a place for me for a period of 5 years. I was
elated but troubled at the same time as there was not much of a reaction or joy
from my parents when I told them that I have been accepted. One of my very good
friends in the Victoria School heard about my situation and told me that his
father has offered to pay for my University education. After much prayer, I
felt led to decline the offer, though it was very good.
After finishing my first year in the military service, my
parents told me that there is no way for them to see me through the University
and they are hoping that I will start looking for a job once I finishes my
compulsory military service.
That was the time that I decided to sign up with the
Singapore Air Force as an Air Executive Officer. I was accepted by the Air
Force and started my military officer training in 1982. The salary that I draw from the Air Force as
a cadet officer was much higher than what a person who work in the commercial
sector who hold the same educational qualifications i.e. A level graduate. When
my mother knew how much the Air Force is paying me, she demanded that I should
give 50% to her for family expenses. And for the next 4 years when I was in the
Air Force, I have to surrender 50% of my salary to her on the day that I
receive my pay. I felt that I was being raised in the family for the only sole
purpose to become the money-earning machine for the family, being taken
advantage of.
Yet in those years of trying relationship with my parents, I
received the call from God to go into mission. It happened when I had just
finished my Air Force Cadet Officer training. I attended a series of evening youth
leadership meeting held in DBS Auditorium. One of the evenings, Frank Hustein,
the former AOG denomination leader of Australia, who moved strongly in the
prophetic ministry pointed at me out of the hundreds attending the even
conference. This was what he said,
“Young man, I saw you standing at a door. When the door opens, there is a great
harvest field. If you remain humble, the Lord will use you.” My tears just
flowed freely that evening upon hearing this prophetic declaration. God did not
reveal when He will called me into direct mission work. But, something changed
in my heart. All I can think of was mission. Career in the Air Force does not
attract me anymore.
I know that God is going to bring me into an exciting
journey. I do not know when I should leave the Air Force or what to do. But I
knew that some day, I will leave everything behind to go into the mission
field.
I was just not prepared for some of the challenges that will
come my way when the time come for me to leave the Air Force.
